rainy day rambling

how could such a beautiful day like yesterday be followed by the dreggish, funky, rainy today?

i'm blown.

sitting at work.

not working (obviously).

i work for an organization that offers help to homeless individuals and families or those on the brink of homelessness. we are into PREVENTION.

so a client came in this morning. she needed assistance because her electric had been turned off.

she was african american, lightskinned, average height and weight, carrying a few weeks old baby in a receiving blanket. when she came in the receptionist called back to my coworker who processes utility assistance and said "there is this lady out here with TEN kids". i was like "she has to be exaggerating, right?" my coworker is leery about going out to the waiting area. i'm like "i'll go look." i peek out there, come back. i see the woman, the baby and about 4 little kids. i tell my cubicle mate "it's like FOUR." so she comes back. she is way worried about all the kids in the play area, so i say i'll sit out there til she's done getting processed. well to my surprise (and dismay) i count 1-2-3-4-5-6-PLUS the receptionist says the two oldest ones are "outside" (doing WHAT in the RAIN? is my thought process, but ok...) the ages are like maybe 3,5,7,8,9,11... something like that. the big kids? 15 and 17. PLUS the new baby. all i'm thinking is , "Baby what are you going to do?" the 3 y.o. has on a coat my 11 year old could fit, NO EXAGGERATION. sleeves to the floor. the baby has on no coat that i can see just a sleeper and wrapped up. the little 5 y.o. boy has on his pajamas. my heart is going out to her, because i know it has to be hard and i am listening to her tell my coworker her story and she is staying in a shelter because the electric is off and she is talking about how people LOOK at her because of all the children etc. etc. but all i'm thinking is "WHY WOULD YOU HAVE ANOTHER BABY!?!?!?"

but then i have to think clinically and know that she is probably in some stage of depression. as black folks - we all are for the most part. she needs help and just not this kind of "get you out of immediate dire situation" assistance we are offering. i mean counseling and mentoring and parenting skills and budgeting and EVERYTHING! What is she going to do? and i can't stop thinking about her... and all the sisters out here like her. folks are SO quick to judge, you know? i know i'm probably doing it while empathizing at the same time.

here i am struggling with the THREE kids i have, working everyday, battling my depression, exposing my artiste to the world, raising my family, nurturing myself AND my children, getting a part-time job, looking into going back to school, fledgling relationship... etc. but i have a little education and may have been exposed to some things that she may not have been. so what's the solution? where does the dialogue start? this is the main reason i want to start my own non profit, a place for struggling families to get that "everything else". housing folks ain't the solution for homelessness. helping them get the tools they need to be independent and healthy is...

i thought this was a ramble... but i guess i had something on my mind after all. ciao